They face a fragmented social fabric, a byzantine path to receiving health care and a pervasive stigma surrounding mental health. Across remote areas of the country, from Pennsylvania to Montana, from Wyoming to Nevada, thousands are going through the same trepidations. He knew he was hardly the first veteran to think about suicide. What if he could reach out to other veterans before it was too late, he wondered, even those in the far reaches of North Dakota? He realized how close to the abyss he was teetering, and this realization set him out on a new journey. “What the hell are you doing?” he thought. But then, a slight deviation in his well-oiled journey snapped him out of his funk. He knew the date, time, place, and how he would die by suicide. Leaving behind the three-bedroom stucco house where they lived in Minot, North Dakota, and its brick-lined, arched front door. He thought about ending his life and leaving behind his two daughters and wife. Now, it felt like his sole goal was unloading enough retail from semi-trucks to earn a bonus check. He missed the camaraderie and brotherhood that had defined the first half of his life. In his mid-40s, he had to make sure 10,000 items sat where they should go on sprawling shelves at Home Depot: tools, thermostats, humidifiers, duct tape - you name it. Randy McDonald once oversaw the manufacturing of precision-guided munitions and cluster bombs at Minot Air Force Base, sometimes working alongside some of the highest-ranking airmen.
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